


That Damn Cat

by clarkjoekent



Category: Naruto
Genre: Kakuzu is bad at morale, Kisame is good at persuasion, M/M, Minor fish death, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarkjoekent/pseuds/clarkjoekent
Summary: Kakuzu nearly had a coronary at the recent water and electric bill. When he found out about Kisame's secret while searching for the culprit, he decided it was better to keep it as a secret. His plan was ruined by Hidan and Deidara's need to have a pet cat. He regretted approving the deal almost immediately.
Relationships: Hoshigaki Kisame/Kakuzu
Kudos: 17





	That Damn Cat

**Author's Note:**

> I blame Mav for this.

Everyday at 3 pm Kakuzu checks over the daily expenses. It’s his favorite part of the day. He gets a nice cup of hot black coffee and settles down at his desk - his own little oasis away from his annoying partner. 

Being the treasurer of an organization like the Akatsuki, required a little leeway when it came to certain expenses. Hidan loses his cloak more often than it rains in Ame. Deidara’s clay costs too much for his 5 hearts to handle. Sasori’s wood oil is the most expensive thing Kakuzu has ever seen.

Or so Kakuzu thought. 

For some reason their water bill was through the roof. Water and electricity. Kakuzu practically choked on his coffee while glancing at the 6 figure number staring back at him. He got up and shook off his anger. There was no need to get pissed off. Yet. He had to find the source of the bill first. 

He figured that maybe it was the showers. Out of everyone in the hideout Deidara and Konan take the longest showers. He timed them and tried to add up the possible bill but even then it was nowhere near the amount. Next idea, the dishes? When Hidan has to wash the dishes he takes his sweet time, just wasting water. Still not enough. 

Kakuzu paced the main living area in the hideout, trying to wrack his brain. Then it came to him. He saw a weird blue glow under Kisame’s door out of his peripheral vision as he was pacing. At least the electricity bill could be his fault. He walked over and knocked on the door. 

Kisame took his sweet time answering it, opening the door ever so slightly. 

“Yes Kakuzu-san?” Kisame’s smile was sharp. 

“Where is the blue light coming from?” 

“What blue light?” The Shark man batted his eyes, trying to act innocent. Kakuzu pushed the door open to see a wall of fish tanks stacked precariously. The blue lights came from the tanks. No doubt the water did too. The biggest tank was resting on the side - a pygmy shark swam around it’s impressive tank - continuously filtering water. Gallons and gallons of precious and expensive water. 

“What the fuck Kisame?” Kakuzu turned to face the blushing Shark. 

“Look. I love them and I can’t just throw them back into the water. The closest body of water is miles away.” Kisame almost pleaded. 

“How did you get them here?” 

“It’s a secret.” The smile from the Shark made Kakuzu uneasy. 

“Look, they cost too much money. How are you going to pay for this?” Kakuzu crossed his arms, waiting for the man in front of him to answer. Kisame looked off at his pet shark and then back at Kakuzu. 

“I don’t have the money.” 

“Then they have to go.” 

“But! I can do something else?” Kisame pushed Kakuzu to sit on his bed and then dropped to his knees. 

“Kisame, begging isn’t enough.” Kakuzu watched Kisame take his jacket off and throw it next to him. Then his hands moved up Kakuzu’s legs and thighs, settling onto his pants zipper. 

“Who said I was begging?” Kisame smiled, his sharp teeth making their second appearance in the last 5 minutes. He undid Kakuzu’s zipper and before he knew it, Kisame had taken him into his mouth. 

“Fuck, okay fine. I guess I can - oh god - do some bounty missions.” Kakuzu felt Kisame’s teeth and he practically passed out. Once he came in his velvety mouth, Kisame pulled off with a wet pop and licked his lips. 

“Glad we could work something out.” A deep chuckle reverberated through Kakuzu's loins. 

“Yeah, whatever.” He needed a nap. 

* * *

Kakuzu held his end up - going out and collecting bounties to make up for the expense of Kisame’s fish collection - and Kisame held up his - giving Kakuzu spectacular head.

Was it worth it? Kakuzu always asked himself before Kisame would walk into his room and blow him. 

It was worth it. At least until Deidara and Hidan found out about the expensive fish collection. 

“How come you get pets and we don’t?” Hidan stomped out into the living area and pointed at Kisame. They had just ended the daily meeting and Hidan had to go to the bathroom. He passed Kisame’s room and had a fit. 

“You aren’t responsible enough.” Kakuzu said behind his paper, not caring to look the kid in his eyes. Not that it would give anything away. 

“Bullshit. Deidara and I have been wanting a cat for the last month and Kisame gets fish? Isn’t that creepy? He’s like more fish than man at this point. It’s like keeping family locked up.” Hidan snorted. 

“Hm, now that I think about it, aren't fish more expensive to care for?” Deidara poked Kakuzu. “Tell him to get rid of them.” 

Kakuzu signed and looked at the two petulant children glaring at him from over his paper. “Why, when he’s paying for them?” 

“All we have to do is pay for them?” Hidan smirked. “Good then I’ll give you money for the cat.” 

Kisame cleared his throat from the side, worry etched on his pale blue face. “The cat will eat my fish.” 

“Close your fucking door then.” Hidan snapped back. 

“Why when you’ll just open it anyway?” 

“Then lock it. I want a cat.” Hidan got his wallet out and threw a wad of cash at Kakuzu. “The pet tax.” 

“If I catch that cat anywhere near Kisame’s room I will skin you alive.” Kakuzu made sure his threat got through before both men bolted out the door to catch one of the stray cats that hung outside of the compound. 

“Kakuzu-san, my fish are in danger.” Kisame pouted from his spot. 

“They will be fine.” Kakuzu got up and walked out of the room, regretting the decision to allow the two worst kids to get a pet. 

It didn’t even take a week before the cat got into Kisame’s room and had its way with a few fish. Hidan and Deidara apologized and offered to pay Kisame back or to find new fish but he ignored them. The silence was unnerving. 

“Kisame, please I’m sorry.” Hidan has never apologized for anything his whole life but even he was affected by Kisame’s refusal to speak to anyone in the hideout except Itachi when he had to or their leader.

Kisame walked past the group at the dinner table and went into his room, slamming his door behind him. 

“Fuck.” Hidan looked down at the happy and full cat on his lap. 

“This is going to take a long time for him to heal.” Deidara sighed. 

“I fucking told you brats to keep the cat away from Kisame’s room.” Kakuzu wanted to throttle the two of them. He did as soon as he found out but with each silent day that passed he wanted to kill them. 

“We didn’t know she could open doors! Kisame should’ve locked it.” Hidan grumbled. He wasn’t used to Kisame’s silent treatment. No one was. 

“I’ll talk to him.” Konan offered. “He seems really upset.” 

“No, I'll talk to him. It’s partially my fault anyway.” Kakuzu stood up and walked to the shut door. The blue glow wasn’t as bright, Kisame must’ve turned off some of the tanks. He knocked a few times but there was no answer. He tested the knob and found it unlocked. 

“Kisame, I’m coming in.” Kakuzu opened the door and looked around for the Shark. He was huddled against the wall close to his little shark - he named her Miss Flowers due to the patches that looked like flower petals that lined her back. Thankfully the cat didn’t hurt her or they would have two dead Akatsuki members. Hidan may be immortal but Kisame would find a way. 

“Kakuzu-san you should leave.” Kisame’s back was towards him and his shoulders were slumped. Kakuzu shut the door and padded over to the depressed man. 

“I’m not leaving. I want to make sure you are okay.” 

“You ignored my worries and now half of my pets are gone. I loved them and cared for them and you let them die.” 

Harsh but Kakuzu knew how Kisame felt about those fish. “I know Kisame and I’m sorry. I should’ve made sure they locked that furball up.” 

“No, Kakuzu you don’t know. Those fish were rescues. I took them from bad pet stores and streams, to give them a second chance. I wanted to show them that someone cared because no one has ever cared about me. They were my friends. My only friends, and now they are gone.” Kisame sniffled, his voice sounded rough. Kakuzu sat back and let Kisame’s words seep into his brain. 

“I care about you.” 

“If you did then you would’ve stopped them.” Kisame finally turned around and glared at the older man. Kakuzu could see the hurt in his eyes. He got down on his knees, leveling with Kisame. 

“I am so sorry. I will do whatever it takes to make up for this terrible accident.” 

Kisame bore holes into Kakuzu’s face and then he turned back to his shark. “You can clean out the empty tanks.” 

“Fine.” Kakuzu stood back up, ignoring the noises his old joints made as he did so and walked over to the empty tanks sitting in the opposite corner. He used the supplies he found on the shelf next to them and got to work. It took him an hour, the entire time Kisame was watching his pet shark swim. He stacked the empty tanks up and then went back to Kisame. 

“Now you can help me bury my friends.” Kisame stood up and took the cloth covered bucket that he had near the shark tank and a shovel, passing them both to Kakuzu. They walked out of the door in Kisame’s room that led to the “backyard” - or the large gravel expanse with no blade of grass in sight. Kakuzu dug a few graves for Kisame’s fish trying to make them deep enough. Kisame tenderly removed his pets and put them in their own holes. Kakuzu covered them and then stood back to allow Kisame his time to grieve. 

He thought the whole ordeal was a little ridiculous but then the words _ “they were my only friends”  _ echoed in his head and all mean thoughts were removed. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” Kisame whispered to his friends and then he turned to Kakuzu. 

“A few words?” Kisame gestured to his fish. 

“Um, I didn’t know them well enough.” 

“It’s okay they know that.” 

Kakuzu cleared his throat and tried to muster up a few things to say. “I’m sorry you were killed too quickly. It was partially my fault.” 

Kisame sniffled and then put his hand on Kakuzu’s shoulder. “Thank you.” 

They trudged back inside and Kisame resumed sitting next to his shark. Kakuzu put the shovel away and then went back over to Kisame. “I meant it, I do care about you.” 

“I know. Thank you. You are forgiven.” Kisame smiled softly at Kakuzu and he felt something he hadn’t felt since he was young. All 5 of his hearts were pumping fast and he thought he was going to pass out. 

Kakuzu stood in his spot for a few minutes and then he decided to sit down next to Kisame and watch Miss Flowers eat her dinner. 

“She’s beautiful, a respectable creature.” 

Kisame chuckled, “She was at a pet store, kids kept poking her back.” 

“I know she can’t tell you but I bet she appreciates you.” Kakuzu didn’t know much about pet sharks but he knew a lot about Kisame. He knew the man was depressed, upset, and he needed someone to tell him that he’s loved. He also knew that he had more in common with Kisame than he thought. 

Both branded monsters and doomed to walk the world alone and unloved. At least before they met. Now Kakuzu wanted nothing more than to hold Kisame and tell him that he loved him.

“Kakuzu-san, she can talk to me. I can talk to fish.” Kisame frowned, like Kakuzu was supposed to know that. 

“Really?” Kakuzu was suddenly self conscious in front of both Miss Flowers and Kisame. 

Kisame’s face stayed serious until he couldn’t hold it in anymore, his deep rumbling laugh sent vibrations through the floor. 

“No, I can’t believe you fell for that. I mean I get Itachi-san and Deidara but you? Come on Kakuzu-san.” Kisame kept laughing, Kakuzu felt his face redden. 

“I guess I deserved that.” 

“You did.” Kisame wiped his eyes and sighed. He watched Kakuzu carefully. “Why are you still here?” 

“I didn’t want to leave you alone. You sounded really upset. Low morale is terrible for the workplace.” 

“This is hardly a real workplace.” Kisame smiled. “I know you really care. Thank you.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Kakuzu smiled back. He stayed until Kisame felt the need to go out and let everyone know he’s fine. Kakuzu lingered behind, eyeing the shark who looked like she was smiling at him. 

“Don’t smile at me.” Kakuzu glared at the shark until she whipped around and splashed her tail, soaking the floor in front of the tank. He left Kisame’s room, thoroughly freaked out by the conversation he just had with the pet shark and nearly barreled into Kisame’s broad chest. 

“Were you talking to her?” A sly smile. 

“No.” 

“Kakuzu-san it’s okay to admit that you love her.” 

“Nope.” 

“Do you love me?” Kisame slid his hands around Kakuzu’s waist, whispering those terrible words in his ear. 

Kakuzu stopped breathing. “I guess.”

Kisame kissed Kakuzu’s temple and then pulled away. “I think you do. If that’s all I can get out of you, then I think I’ll have to up my game, Kakuzu-san.” Kisame winked and then walked back into his room, keeping the door wide open. A silent invitation.

Kakuzu didn’t need to be told twice. 


End file.
